A Fine Explanation

Yankele’s wife Feige came home early and found Yankele in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman.

Feige was somewhat upset. ‘You are a disrespectful pig!’ she cried. ‘How dare you do this to me — a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I’m leaving you. I want a get right away!’

And Yankele replied, ‘Hang on just a minute Feige so at least I can tell you what happened.’

‘Fine, go ahead,’ she sobbed,’ but they’ll be the last words you’ll say to me!’

And Yankele began:

‘Vell, I was getting into the car to drive home, and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down-and-out and defenseless that I took rachmones on her and let her into the car.

I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn’t eaten for three days.

So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the luckshen kugel I made for you last night; the food you wouldn’t eat because you’re afraid you’ll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments.

Since she needed a good clean-up, I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes, so I threw them away.

Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer outfit that you’ve had for a few years, but don’t wear because you say it’s too tight.

I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don’t wear because I don’t have good taste.

I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Chanukah that you don’t wear just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don’t wear because someone at work has a pair the same.’

Yankele took a quick breath and continued: ‘She was so grateful for my understanding and help that as I walked her to the door, she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said, ‘Please … Do you have anything else that your wife doesn’t use?’