Golf Membership Application
An elderly Scottish Jew decided to retire and take up golf, so he applied for membership at a local golf club. About a week later he received a letter that his application has been rejected. He went to the club to inquire as to why.
Secretary: You are aware that this is a Scottish golf club?
Scot: Aye, but I am as Scottish as you are, ma’am, my name is MacTavish.
Secretary: Do you know that on formal …
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Filed under: Anti-Semitism, Circumcision
The Price of a Blindfold
Two Jews are being tied to posts, about to be shot by a firing squad.
The first one asks for a blindfold.
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Filed under: Anti-Semitism, Non-Jewish, Shlemiels & Shlimazels
The Jewish Prisoner
There were four male prisoners awaiting execution by the Germans. They were of different nationalities. One was an Englishman, the second one a Frenchman, the third one was Russian, and the last was a Jew. Before execution each man was told by the commanding German officer in turn what his occupation was in life. The Englishman said he was a baker, so the Germans baked his penis and he died. The Frenchman said he was a butcher, so the Germans hacked of his penis with a butcher’s knife. The Russian said he was a carpenter, so the Germans sawed off his penis. Lastly it was the Jew’s turn.
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Filed under: Anti-Semitism, Jewish Blue-ish
Last Wishes of the Soon-to-be Headless
Dan Rather, Katie Couric, and an Israeli commando were captured by terrorists in Iraq. The leader of the terrorists told them that he would grant them each one last request before they were beheaded.
Dan Rather said, “Well, I’m a Texan, so I’d like one last bowlful of hot spicy chili.”
The leader nodded to an underling, who left and returned with the chili. Rather ate it all and said, “Now I can die content.”
Katie Couric said, …
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Filed under: Anti-Semitism, Arabs, Israel, Politics
They Used Goldberg’s Nails
Old Mister Goldberg opens a hardware store. He finds a picture of Jesus nailed to the cross, left from the previous occupant. Goldberg hangs it up as an advertisement with the caption: “They used Goldberg’s nails.”
His son, upon seeing this, exclaims to his father, “You can’t use that! It will cause antisemitism.”
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Filed under: Anti-Semitism
Desert Dress Code
A man is plodding through the desert, desperate for water, when he sees something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he walks towards the image, only to find a little old Jewish man sitting at a card table with a bunch of neckties laid out on it.
“I”m dying of thirst, can I have some water?”
“I don’t have any water. Buy a tie? Here’s one that goes very nicely.”
“I …
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Filed under: Anti-Semitism
In Paradise
A Brit, a Frenchman, and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in The Garden of Eden.
“Look at their reserve, their calm,” muses the Brit. “They must be British.”
“Nonsense,” the Frenchman disagrees. “They’re naked, and so beautiful. Clearly, they are French.”
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Filed under: Anti-Semitism, Politics, Russians
Smart Jews
In an all-Jewish school, a Russian man decides to disrupt a math class.
He storms in and cries, “You Jews think you’re so smart, try and answer this! There are seven trains going all around the country with sixteen cars on each train. There are thirty-three people on each car. How old am I?”
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Filed under: Anti-Semitism, Russians
Jews Go Home
Sometime in the 1970′s a shipment of meat arrives in a town in the Soviet Union. The townspeople line up at the town store to wait to be given their rations. After about an hour, a man comes out of the store and announces, “Comrades, I’m sorry to tell you, but there isn’t enough meat for everyone, so the Jews have to leave.” The Jews in the line leave grumbling.
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Filed under: Anti-Semitism, Russians
Bank on It
A well-dressed Jew walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. He says he is going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow five thousand dollars.
The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan, so the man hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce parked on the street in front of the bank. Everything …
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Filed under: Anti-Semitism
No Vacancies
In the 1950′s, Feigela Rothstein from Chicago decided to go on vacation to Miami.
Upon trying to checking into a nice hotel, the concierge told her, “Sorry, there’s no vacancy.”
Just then, a man checked out. Feigela then exclaimed, “Good, now you have a room.”
“Sorry”, the man behind the counter replied, “this hotel is restricted.”
“And what does that mean?” she asked him.
“Jews aren’t allowed here.”
“Well what makes you think I’m Jewish?” she shot back.
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Filed under: Anti-Semitism, Non-Jewish