Matchmaker, Matchmaker…
At the morning minyan, Rabbi Weinstock couldn’t help noticing twenty-something year-old Benny sitting at the back of the shul, looking very sad. After the service, Rabbi Weinstock goes to him. “What’s wrong, Benny? Tell me. Maybe I can help.”
“Oh, Rabbi,” replies Benny, “I just don’t know what to do. Whenever I bring a new girlfriend to my house and introduce her to my parents… no matter how wonderful the girl is, my mother always tells …
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Filed under: Children, Family Life, Fathers, Marriage, Mothers
The Price of a Mink
Little Shimmy came home from school one day and found his mother in a new mink coat.
“Wow, Mom. That poor animal must have suffered terribly just so you could have a fur coat.”
…
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Filed under: Children, Family Life, Fathers, Marriage, Mothers
A Visit to Santa
A Jewish six-year-old is reluctantly dragged off to see Santa at a department store, and pushed onto a line of eager children. Unlike the other children, Sammy sullenly refuses to sit on Santa’s lap.
“What would you like for Christmas this year?” asks the white-bearded old gentleman.
…
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Filed under: Chanukah, Children, Holidays, Non-Jewish
Pro-Life?
A priest, a vicar and a rabbi are asked the question, “When does life begin?”
The priest says: “The moment of conception.”
The vicar replies: “The moment of birth.”
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Filed under: Children, Family Life, Rabbis
A Messy Divorce
Morris calls his son in New York and says, “Benny, I have something to tell you. However, I don’t want to discuss it. I’m merely telling you because you’re my oldest child, and I thought you ought to know. I’ve made up my mind, I’m divorcing Mama.”
The son is shocked, and asks his father to tell him what happened.
“I don’t want to get into it. My mind is made up.”
“But Dad, you …
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Filed under: Children, Family Life, Fathers, Marriage, Mothers
Adam and Eve and Ted and Alice
Whenever your children are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God’s omnipotence did not extend to His own children:
After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing He said was: “DON’T!”
“Don’t what?” Adam replied.
“Don’t eat the forbidden fruit.” God said.
“Forbidden fruit? We have forbidden fruit?
“Hey Eve! We have forbidden fruit!”
“No Way!”
…
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Filed under: Children, Family Life, Fathers, Mothers
It’s Only Money
A young Jewish boy asks his father:
“Dad, can you give me fifteen dollars?”
The father says:
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Filed under: Children, Family Life, Fathers
Never Forget!
There was a young fellow who emigrated from Russia to Texas. He assimilated, worked hard and prospered. He had a good life, so he sent for his father to join him.
His father looked like a religious Jew.
The son decided his father would be happier if his appearance were that of a native Texan. So, he brought his father to a barbershop and had his beard and sidelocks shaved off.
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Filed under: Children, Family Life, Fathers, Immigration, USA
Away From Home
Two Jewish women are speaking about their sons, each of whom is incarcerated in the state prison:
“Oy, my son has it so hard. He’s locked away in maximum security. He never speaks to anyone or even sees the light of day. He has no exercise; he lives a horrible life.”
…
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