Spot the Landsman
An old woman approached a blonde, blue-eyed man. “Excuse me, Mister,” she began tentatively, “but you’re a Jewish boy?”
He regarded her disdainfully for a moment and then replied, “No, madam, I’m not.”
Still uncertain, she repeated her question.
…
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Filed under: Family Life, Immigration
My Cousin the Cantor
A young man, just off the boat, arrives on the Lower East Side at the turn of the Twentieth Century. He is all alone and is looking for his only contact to the new world, his cousin, Cantor Rosensweig.
As he wanders, he approaches an elderly woman and says, “Tante, can you tell me where I might find Cantor Rosensweig?”
The woman replies, “You mean Cantor Beryl Rosensweig, who sings so off-key that his attempts at davening …
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Filed under: Cantors, Congregants, Immigration, Synagogue Life
I’m Fine, Thank You
One day, as Isaac Levy is driving home, a truck crashes into his car. He’s very lucky and suffers only moderate injuries. Nevertheless, he’s off work for two months. As a result, he contacts a Personal Injury lawyer who, after hearing the details, recommends that Isaac take the truck driver to court for dangerous driving. Isaac agrees.
A few weeks later, Isaac arrives in Court and soon he’s in the witness box answering questions thrown …
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Filed under: Immigration
The French Way
When Mr. Ginsberg, a widower, retired he decided to treat himself to a trip to Paris, and booked passage on the French liner Liberte, famous for its opulence and its cuisine. On the first night he was seated by the Maitre d’ at a table facing another passenger traveling alone — a Frenchman who spoke no English. The Frenchman, already seated at the table, smiles at Mr. Ginsberg and says, “Bon appetit.”
Mr. Ginsberg, who speaks …
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Filed under: Immigration, Uncategorized
Ah, Paris!
On her first trip to Paris, Mrs. Lapidus sees Mrs. Cohen, a friend from the Upper West Side, walking on the Champs Elysees. She rushes up to her, exclaiming effusively and without pausing, “Sadie, Sadie, I didn’t know you were going to be in Paris! Is Irving with you? Oh, isn’t this city marvelous? We’ve seen almost everything, but one thing bothers me. Would you believe that we’ve been here three days, and I haven’t …
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Filed under: Immigration
Miami Beach Aspirations
Mrs. Sam Lapidus from the Bronx is delighted to find that her sunbathing companion at Miami Beach each day is a bejeweled Mrs. Irving Goldstein from Great Neck on Long Island. Fascinated by Mrs. Goldstein, Mrs. Lapidus has studied her carefully for clues to her age. She cannot detect signs of a face lift. There is no evidence of graying roots in her carefully coiffed blonde tresses.
Finally, unhappy with her inability to find age-revealing clues, …
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Filed under: Immigration, Jewish History
Meet C. R. Eldrich
Abe runs into his old friend Hymie in Miami and yells, “Lipshitz, how’ve you been?”
Hymie whispers anxiously, “Shhh. My name isn’t Hymie Lipshitz any more. I’ve changed it to C. R. Eldrich.”
“From where did you get such a fancy name?” asks Abe.
…
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Filed under: Immigration, Jewish History
A Blaze of Glory
One dark night outside a small town, a fire started inside the local chemical plant. In a flash, the plant exploded into flames.
The alarm went out to the fire departments from miles around. When the firefighters appeared on the scene, the chemical company president rushed to the fire chief and said, “All of our secret formulas are in the vault in the center of the plant. They must be saved. I will give fifty thousand …
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Filed under: Immigration, Uncategorized
How Long is a Chinaman
A tourist in San Francisco is walking around in Chinatown and sees a sign that says: “Moishe Levy’s Chinese Laundry”.
He thinks, “Moishe Levy?!? Where does that come from?”
So he walks in and sees an old Chinese gentleman behind the counter. He asks, “How did a place like this get a name like “Moishe Levy’s Chinese Laundry?”
The old man answers, “Is name of owner.”
The tourist asks, “Well, who and where …
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Filed under: Immigration
Dinner at Bloom’s Kosher Restaurant
A group of Jewish American tourists are in London, and on their itinerary is listed a visit to Bloom’s Kosher Restaurant in Golders Green.
After being seated at the table, they are served by a Chinese waiter, who conducts the whole conversation in Yiddish!
…
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Filed under: Immigration, Kosher Food
Never Forget!
There was a young fellow who emigrated from Russia to Texas. He assimilated, worked hard and prospered. He had a good life, so he sent for his father to join him.
His father looked like a religious Jew.
The son decided his father would be happier if his appearance were that of a native Texan. So, he brought his father to a barbershop and had his beard and sidelocks shaved off.
…
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Filed under: Children, Family Life, Fathers, Immigration, USA
Fancy-Shmancy
An American Jew was shopping on Regent Street in London. He entered a posh gourmet food store. A sales representative, in a long morning coat with tie and tails, approached.
“May I be of help to you, sir?”
“Yes. I’d like a pound of lox.”
“Sorry, sir; do you mean smoked salmon?”
“Okay, a pound of smoked salmon.”
“Anything else, sir?”
“Yes, a dozen blintzes.”
“I believe you mean crepes, sir.”
“Okay, a dozen crepes.”
“Anything else, sir?”
“Yes. A pound of chopped liver.”
“You are …
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Filed under: Immigration, Kosher Food
Fine for Swimming
A hundred years ago, a Yid comes to America and works as a traveling peddler. One day in July, he’s walking down a New England road when he finds a cool country lake. He takes off his clothes and takes a dip, when the country sheriff arrests him and throws him in jail.
The next morning he appears before the local magistrate.
“Sir, you have been arrested for trespassing. Didn’t you read the sign? It says, ‘Private …
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Filed under: Immigration