The Butler Wasn’t Jewish
A Jewish couple in London won twenty-million pounds in the lottery. They bought a magnificent mansion in Knightsbridge and surrounded themselves with all the material wealth imaginable. They decided to hire a butler. They found the perfect butler through an agency, very proper and very British, and brought him back to their home. The day after his arrival, he was instructed to set up the dining table for four, as they were inviting the Cohens …
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Filed under: Non-Jewish
The Price of a Blindfold
Two Jews are being tied to posts, about to be shot by a firing squad.
The first one asks for a blindfold.
…
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Filed under: Anti-Semitism, Non-Jewish, Shlemiels & Shlimazels
R-E-S-P-E-C-T, Tell Me What it Means to Me
There were two carriage drivers of Poland who were in constant rivalry for passengers. One was Ivan and the other Mikhail. One day, as Ivan was driving from Warsaw, and the other was approaching Warsaw from the opposite direction, they met on the road, several miles from the city.
When they recognized each other, they drew up their horses and exchanged chilly greetings.
“I see, Mikhail, that you have that crook, Yussel the Jew, as a passenger,” …
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Filed under: Jewish History, Non-Jewish
A Visit to Santa
A Jewish six-year-old is reluctantly dragged off to see Santa at a department store, and pushed onto a line of eager children. Unlike the other children, Sammy sullenly refuses to sit on Santa’s lap.
“What would you like for Christmas this year?” asks the white-bearded old gentleman.
…
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Filed under: Chanukah, Children, Holidays, Non-Jewish
The Christian Scientist
For the past five years Sidney has been a practicing Christian Scientist.
One Sunday morning, as he is leaving the apartment to go to church, his non-Jewish wife seizes his arm. “What’s the matter with you?” she cries. “You’re wearing a yarmulka!”
…
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Filed under: Conversion, Non-Jewish, Traditions
Bless Me Father For I Have Sinned
“Bless Me Father for I Have Sinned,” said a young man.
“What have you done, my son?”
“Father, I have fooled a Jew.”
…
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Filed under: Non-Jewish
A Priestly Encounter
A Jew is crossing a busy road in front of a Catholic church. Head down, deep in thought he does not see the big red bus that flattens him.
A crowd gathers round him. A priest from the church rushes over to see if he can help. Not realizing the badly injured man is a Jew he administers the Last Rites.
…
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Filed under: Non-Jewish
A Funny One
As part of an ecumenical exchange, a rabbi is invited to an evening meal at a monastery.
After a delightful meal one of the monks stands up and says “281″
There are a few quiet giggles, then another stands up and says “356″ Again more giggles.
Intrigued as to what is going on, the rabbi enquires of the abbot about what the numbers mean.
…
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Filed under: Non-Jewish, Rabbis
Ecumenical Outreach
There was an amazing accident involving a rabbi and a priest. The cars are completely shattered, though the rabbi and the priest don’t even bear a scratch between them.
The priest looks at the rabbi’s kipa and says: “Oh. You’re a rabbi.”
The rabbi looks at the priest’s collar and says: “Oh. You’re a priest.”
“Yes,” answered the priest.
“Well look at this: both of our cars are shattered to bits, but none of …
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Filed under: Non-Jewish, Rabbis
A Quick Learner
A Catholic priest was manning a confession booth for several hours and wanted relief. He asked his friend the rabbi to fill in for him. When the rabbi said he had no experience, the priest asked the rabbi to stay with him in the booth and observe what he did. The rabbi obliged.
A man confessed that he had committed adultery three times with his secretary. The priest told him to say two Hail Marys and …
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Filed under: Non-Jewish, Rabbis
A Boca Xmas
‘Twas the night before Christmas
and down here in Boca,
I was sitting at Starbucks,
drinking my mocha.
…
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Filed under: Non-Jewish, Traditions
Fatherhood
An old Jewish man gets on the subway in New York and sees a priest. He notices the white collar, and decides to ask what it’s about:
“Why do you wear your collar backwards?” The old Jewish man asks.
The Priest, being polite, responds, “Well, Sir, because I’m a father.”
“I am a father too, but I wear my collar normal.”
…
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Filed under: Jewish Blue-ish, Non-Jewish
No Vacancies
In the 1950′s, Feigela Rothstein from Chicago decided to go on vacation to Miami.
Upon trying to checking into a nice hotel, the concierge told her, “Sorry, there’s no vacancy.”
Just then, a man checked out. Feigela then exclaimed, “Good, now you have a room.”
“Sorry”, the man behind the counter replied, “this hotel is restricted.”
“And what does that mean?” she asked him.
“Jews aren’t allowed here.”
“Well what makes you think I’m Jewish?” she shot back.
…
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Filed under: Anti-Semitism, Non-Jewish
Bear With Us
A priest, a Pentecostal preacher and a Rabbi all served as chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University in Marquette. They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop.
One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn’t really all that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear. One thing led to another and they decided to do an experiment. They would …
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Filed under: Circumcision, Conversion, Non-Jewish