Mexican Jews
This man is kicking back in Mexico. It’s a beautiful day, and he’s having lunch in a nice little cafe. Relaxed, he starts to think about home, family, and things Jewish. He suddenly realizes that he hadn’t seen any synagogues since he had gotten off the plane.
…
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Filed under: Uncategorized
Silence is Golden
One day a Jewish apostate decides to join the monks of a silent order. These monks aren’t allowed to say anything at all, except that every ten years they may utter three words.
So ten years go by and he doesn’t say anything. At the end, the holy father comes up to him and asks him to speak his three words.
…
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Happy St. Patrick’s Day!
Standing on the Fifth Avenue sidewalk, two elderly Jewish women watch admiringly as the leading marchers in the parade approach. Wearing a broad green sash, the top-hatted Lord Mayor of Dublin is out in front as Grand Marshal, smiling and waving to the crowd.
“Isn’t it wonderful? Imagine! The St. Patrick’s Day parade,” the first woman exclaims, “and a Jewish boy is leading it.”
Her companion nods in agreement. “Yes, it could only happen in New …
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Filed under: Holidays, Uncategorized
The French Way
When Mr. Ginsberg, a widower, retired he decided to treat himself to a trip to Paris, and booked passage on the French liner Liberte, famous for its opulence and its cuisine. On the first night he was seated by the Maitre d’ at a table facing another passenger traveling alone — a Frenchman who spoke no English. The Frenchman, already seated at the table, smiles at Mr. Ginsberg and says, “Bon appetit.”
Mr. Ginsberg, who speaks …
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Filed under: Immigration, Uncategorized
Pennies From Heaven
A man walked to the top of a hill to talk to God. The man asked, “God, what’s a million years to you?”
And God said, “a minute.”
Then the man asked, “Well, what’s a million dollars to you?”
…
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The Water Hazard
Moses and Hashem are playing golf.
Moses went to take the shot. The ball landed in the pond, and sank to the bottom. Moses walked up to the pond, stuck his club into the ground, and the water split in half. He walked into the pond on dry land, the water hazard forming walls on the left and the right, and from there he took another shot: Hole in two.
Hashem shoots …
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Filed under: Traditions, Uncategorized
A Blaze of Glory
One dark night outside a small town, a fire started inside the local chemical plant. In a flash, the plant exploded into flames.
The alarm went out to the fire departments from miles around. When the firefighters appeared on the scene, the chemical company president rushed to the fire chief and said, “All of our secret formulas are in the vault in the center of the plant. They must be saved. I will give fifty thousand …
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Filed under: Immigration, Uncategorized
Taken for a Ride
A rabbi gets on a city bus. He doesn’t see a seat open. He says to a woman, “If you have what I have, you’ll give me your seat.”
The woman thinks a little and quietly gives her seat up.
The Rabbi sees a man on his cell phone. He says, “If you have what I have, you’ll let me use your cell phone for a few minutes.”
The man looks confused but gives his cell phone to …
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Everything is Bigger in Texas
Three Texans are sitting together on an airplane. Two are hardy, tall men wearing cowboy boots and ten-gallon hats. The third is a little old Jewish man wearing a yarlmuke, short pants, and sandals over high black socks.
The first Texan boasts, “My name is Roger, I have two-thousand acres and three-thousand head of cattle. I call my place ‘The Jolly Roger’.”
The second Texan tops this. “My name is Gene. I own five-thousand acres and …
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