Jewish Jokes » Entries tagged with "bar mitzvah"
The Stalled Elephant
Zimmerman, the big cloak-and-suiter, wanted to have the biggest Bar Mitzvah of all time for his son. So he mapped out a safari to Africa and chartered six jumbo jets for his guests, and another six planes for the hunting and camping equipment, food and drink.
Everyone piled on board and all the planes flew in formation to equatorial Africa. There, Zimmerman hired five hundred native pack-bearers and a dozen guides, cooks, and a master chef. …
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Filed under: Family Life, Fathers, Ritual, Synagogue Life, Traditions
Pest Control
Three rabbis are standing around schmoozing. One of them says, “We’ve got a terrible problem with a squirrel in the the synagogue. Traps; nuts; nothing works.”
The second rabbi says, “Same thing with us. We tried it all. Still we have a squirrel.”
The third rabbi says, “We used to have a squirrel problem, but not anymore!”
Now the other two rabbis are interested: “How did you do it?”
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Filed under: Congregants, Traditions
Sixteen Daffynitions
1. JEWBILATION n. Pride in finding out that one’s favorite celebrity is a landsman.
2. TORAHFIED n. Inability to remember one’s lines on the bima.
3. MATZILATION v. Smashing a piece of matzah to bits while trying to butter it.
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Filed under: Family Life, Holidays, Passover, Synagogue Life, Traditions