Jewish Jokes » Entries tagged with "death"
Three Kopeks
Two souls met midway between heaven and earth. One was descending to be clothed in a body, and the other was ascending after a lifetime of service within the world.
“What is it like down there?” inquired the descending soul.
“Well, for three kopeks one can purchase the strands to be tied into tzitzis,” replied the ascending soul.
The descending soul eagerly hastened its descent. “Tzitzis for only three kopeks!” the soul echoed in amazement.
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Filed under: Featured, Synagogue Life, Traditions
The Gentle Messenger
Five Jewish old men are playing poker one night, when Meyerowitz loses $500 on a single hand, stands up, clutches his chest and drops dead on the floor.
Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five complete their playing time standing up.
Hirsh looks around and asks, “Now, who is going to tell the wife?”
They draw straws. Nordheim, who is always a loser, picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet, be …
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Filed under: Family Life, Marriage, Shlemiels & Shlimazels
A Lifetime Together
Isaac is on his death bed with beloved wife Esther sitting with him.
He says: “Esther, when I was twenty and I failed my driving test, you were by my side…”
Esther: “Yes, my love…”
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Filed under: Family Life, Marriage
The Last Supper
Abbie is in his bed, contemplating his impending death. Suddenly smelling the aroma of roast brisket (his favorite food) wafting up the stairs, he gathers his remaining strength and lifts himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly makes his way out of the bedroom. With even greater effort, gripping the railing with both hands, he crawls downstairs.
With labored breath, he leans against the door frame, and gazes into the kitchen. Were it …
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Filed under: Family Life, Marriage, Traditions
A Legacy
A Catholic priest, a Protestant minister, and a rabbi are discussing what they would like people to say after they die and their bodies are being prepared for burial.
Priest: I would like someone to say, “He was a righteous man, an honest man, and very generous.”
Minister: I would like someone to say, “He was very kind and fair, and he was very good to his parishioners.”
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Filed under: Rabbis, Traditions