Jewish Jokes » Entries tagged with "kashrut"
Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell
An elderly Jew goes into a butcher’s shop. Looking at what is on display, he points to the sliced ham and asks, “How much is that fish?”
The butcher replies, “It’s not fish, it’s meat!”
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Filed under: Kosher Food, Traditions
The Bacon Tree
Back in cowboy times, a westbound wagon train was lost and low on food. No other humans had been seen for days, and then the pioneers saw an old Jew sitting beneath a tree.
“Is there some place ahead where we can get food?” they asked.
“Vell, I tink so,” the old man said, “but I wouldn’t go up dat hill und down de udder side. Somevun tole me you’d run into a big bacon tree.”
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Filed under: Kosher Food
The Penitent
Moshe goes to see his Rabbi. “Rabbi, last week I missed saying Birkhat HaMazon.”
“Why?” asked the Rabbi.
“Because I forgot to wash my hands before the meal.”
“That’s twice you’ve broken the law, but you still haven’t told me why.”
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Filed under: Congregants, Kosher Food, Yom Kippur
Keeping Kosher
A rabbi walking home from the synagogue saw one of his good friends, a pious and learned man who could usually beat the rabbi in religious arguments.
The rabbi walked faster to catch up to his friend, but was horrified to see his friend go into a Chinese restaurant. (Not a kosher one.)
Standing at the door, he observed his friend talking to a waiter and gesturing at a menu. A short time later, the waiter reappeared
carrying …
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Filed under: Congregants, Kosher Food, Rabbis, Traditions
Food For Thought
1.
I know a man so frum, he has two satellite dishes.
2.
A man dies and goes to heaven. There he finds an endless array of appealing foods. And at the dais he sees Hashem Himself! So he goes to Hashem and asks: “Tell me. Who’s your mashgiach?” Hashem answers, “Moshe Rabbenu.” The man thinks for moment, and then says, “I’ll have the fruit plate.”
3.
A blind man is sitting on …
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Filed under: Holidays, Kosher Food, Passover, Traditions