Jewish Jokes » Entries tagged with "rabbis"
A Date With Justice
Louis and Hymie are arguing strongly about a consignment of dried Israeli dates that Hymie has recently bought from Louis.
“Just look at them,” says Hymie. “Any shmuck can see that they are not fresh enough for me to sell in my shop. I want my money back. And if I don’t get it, I’ll have to find another distributor.”
But Louis disagrees with him. “There is nothing at all wrong with these dates,” he says, …
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Filed under: Rabbis
A Miracle in Cracow
The well-known Rabbi Nathan was in the synagogue of Krakow when he suddenly screamed.
“Why did you howl like that?” asked his startled pupils.
“I couldn’t help it,” declared Rabbi Nathan. “Just a few moments ago the great Rabbi Solomon of Lemburg died.”
The entire congregation marveled at this demonstration of the rabbi’s miraculous telepathic powers and immediately went into mourning.
A few days later, a group of Lemburg Jews arrived in the city and contradicted Rabbi Nathan. “We …
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Filed under: Rabbis, Synagogue Life
The Informer
The Jews in a small Russian town found it necessary for their own safety to bribe the informer before any meetings were held, so he would not report their affairs to the Czarist authorities. One day such an important matter came up that the informer demanded three hundred rubles as his price for silence.
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Filed under: Jewish History, Rabbis, Russians
The Village Idiot
The Rabbi of Odessa was reproaching his chazzan. “You should be ashamed of yourself — a cantor, of all people!”
“Why, what did I do?” protested the surprised chazzan.
“Not you, your children. The way they run after the town lunatic and torment him is perfectly disgraceful. I want it stopped at once.”
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Filed under: Cantors, Congregants, Rabbis, Synagogue Life
Pest Control
Three rabbis are standing around schmoozing. One of them says, “We’ve got a terrible problem with a squirrel in the the synagogue. Traps; nuts; nothing works.”
The second rabbi says, “Same thing with us. We tried it all. Still we have a squirrel.”
The third rabbi says, “We used to have a squirrel problem, but not anymore!”
Now the other two rabbis are interested: “How did you do it?”
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Filed under: Congregants, Traditions
The Pen is Mightier than the Sword
A rabbi was opening his mail one morning. Taking a single paper from an envelope, he found written on it only one word: “shmuck.”
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Filed under: Rabbis, Synagogue Life
What a Wedding!
What’s the difference between an Orthodox wedding, a Conservative wedding, and a Reform wedding?
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Filed under: Rabbis, Synagogue Life, Weddings